Being The Example
Most parents who are looking to help their child work on their personal development, are often focused on helping the child feel good from within. By creating a natural state of feeling good, children can then set themselves on a path to reach greater heights in their development. In turn they feel even better, thus creating a cycle of feeling good.
Comprehensive personal development programs also provide the tools and skills for children that they can incorporate into their daily lives, specifically for times where circumstances or events will take them out of this state of feeling good. While these are wonderful programs for children, what about the parents? What can we as parents do when our children are behaving or acting in a manner that does not make us feel good? All parents at some point feel levels of frustration, displeasure, or even anger with their children. This is normal, but this should not be the norm. What this means is that these negative feelings do not need to consume us as parents, and there is plenty we can do!
So often you hear parents say they don’t have patience with their children when they are displaying certain behaviors. All of us experience this at some level, and this is OH-K. Your child or children are not the only people you need to be patient with, but you need to be patient with yourself as well. As you learn to start incorporating tools and skills to help you feel good from within, despite your children’s behavior, you will undoubtedly face some challenges. With so many years of conditioning, it will take time to reprogram the neurological circuits in your brain. In fact, it very well may take you longer to adopt these tools and skills in your day-to-day life, then it will for your child.
Looking at the science, you can come to understand why you will need to be patient. Each time you have had a specific thought, you have activated a specific neurological circuit in your brain. That circuit then has elicited a chemical response, which generates a feeling. Those feelings then give you more thoughts that create similar feelings. When you have repeated experiences that activate these circuits, they become more deeply embedded into your subconscious mind. Over time, your responses to these thoughts and feelings because automatic, without any additional thought.
When your child is acting in a manner that takes you away from your happy place, your subconscious mind will be programmed to react in a manner consistent with your previous reactions. As a result, it will take some time to break these habits, or neurological cycles, but the good news is that you can break them!
MINDFULNESS IS WHERE IT STARTS
In order develop emotional control, so that external influences do not have a long term impact on how you are feeling, you will need to be aware of how you are feeling. While we are often talking to our children about being mindful of their thoughts and feelings, we too should not forget to do this ourselves.
While being a parent comes with a variety of stressors in addition to those that come from everyday life, it is important to pay attention to how we are feeling. We do not want the everyday stress to consume our thoughts, feelings, and ultimately our bodies. It is crucial to be aware when outside forces are causing us to stray from feeling good.
AS THE EXAMPLE YOU BENEFIT TOO
By utilizing many of the tools and skills which we teach our children, we too can experience the benefits. Learning how to be mindful of our thoughts and feelings, for example, allows us to feel good from within. It also, demonstrates to your child how they can do it, as well as a provides them with a real life example of someone who uses these tools and skills.
Here are some ways you can start using some of the tools and skills your children use to feel good from within. Be sure to incorporate a breathing technique that you can use anytime, anywhere. We have provided children breathing exercises such as dandelion breathing or bubble breathing to help them calm themselves both physiologically and mentally. As an adult you can also incorporate a breathing exercise into your routine. For example, the next time your child’s behavior is triggering a negative response or feeling, maybe turn around, close your eyes, and take a deep breath in and slowly breathe out. As you are breathing out, think of one thing you absolutely love about your child. This will allow you to take a moment to gather yourself so that you cannot be reactive to the behavior, but rather responsive.
Another tool you can use when your child’s behavior takes you way from a state of feeling good is self-talk. Self talk in these particular instances is both powerful and adaptable. Since you can talk to yourself in your mind you don’t need to step away from the situation necessarily, you do not need to say anything to your child in that moment, you can simply be still while internally you have a positive dialogue. For example, you could say to yourself “I choose to feel good. I am in control of how I feel. I feel good.” While this is a simple and straightforward sentence, it reminds you that it is a choice to feel good. It also reminds you that not only are you in control of your feelings, but having this knowledge empowers you, and therefore you feel good.
You can always personalize and adapt these two tools, so that they are best suited to make YOU feel good. Don’t forget, you deserve to feel good too!
Rachna Patel is the founder of OH-KS Corporation, a company that creates one-of-a-kind programs and materials, to help children ultimately become happy, healthy, confident, have a strong growth mindset, and so much more. To learn more about the latest products from OH-KS, you can visit their website at www.OH-KS.com